So Gregory wanted to tell you all about his road trip this spring. I have translated it into intelligible writing.
If I were to write his exact words it would go something like this… “Gregies ‘ere: Springies ai wentededed adventurous me! *flexes forehead quills (with intent to impress whoever is watching with a determined look in his eye)* LIFE! Lots of lotses ofes anty biters mountains far in the sun. Impressable???”
I will just stop here. Allow me to interpret his story.
This spring I embarked on the adventure of a lifetime. It was far away beyond the ant hills in the yard. My travels took me east. Impressed? I am like the Marco Polo of my herd. My wives think I am brave and strong now. I have proven myself! I was put in a fuzzy sack. It was blue on the outside and grey on the inside( like a dismal, scary hole). But it was soft and warm, and I slept in it for a long time while my master transported me to the east. We moved at the speed of light (I am sure because I saw the sun rise and then the moon poke out a multiple times during my journey). I met a great hairy beast named Ella. I tell you more of her, but don’t want to frighten the young hoglets who may read this. I will say that she has claws that were all long as my tail and delighted in eating bones. Her ears could hear noises beyond what my master could hear. I was afraid, just a little, but I only saw her a few times. She did not make it into the speeding transporter and was left behind somewhere on the journey. I am home now. I can die an old experienced hog with tales to tell my offspring.”
*Disclaimer, Ella was happily left behind at her owner’s home and Gregory was never in danger. And Gregory is only about 2 years old. He still has many more years. Also, Gregory has never wandered into an ant hill or been stung, but we do have ants here… What Gregory doesn’t know is that we visited friends in Tennessee via our car and had a 20 hour-through-the-night-with-no-hotel-return trip. Thank God for Starbucks cold coffee and 24/7 gas stations…